I think I love my boyfriend

Saw my boyfriend yesterday.  He came by and picked me up.  We went to his house and spent the night together eating and watching tv and playing with his dogs.  Nothing wildly passionate, I have my period.  But it felt very romantic.  I think I love him.  He is the first man I have been with who doesn't irritate me or make me nervous in a bad way.  I feel good when I am with him, it took awhile to get here since he was not that expressive in the beginning. 

I admire and look up to this man, he seems very structured and by the book, sometimes even savant like, ausberger's, autistic, as my therapist would say...  But I feel secure because even though he is not overtly romantic, his actions are very caring.  He is very dependable and like clockwork.  Sometimes I take this for granted because I wish he could be more spontaneous with his declarations of love - none yet.  But we see each other 4-5 times a week and he calls me everyday. 

I hope I can live up to what he would like in a mate.  Wish I could be organized and disciplined like him.  I know this sounds boring to you but what I lack in my life is structure and he is the master of it.  Structure sounds boring but it is what puts food on the table, money in the bank so people, dogs, things can be taken care of.  No, he is not a sugar daddy, that is not what I mean because I give as well.  I mean that, he is very hardworking and does what he has to do even when he doesn't feel like it to make a nice home for his dogs and himself. 

I wish I could have pets myself but I am in an apartment that does not allow dogs.  Then there is the question of being unemployed right now.  If I was him, I would take any job, that was the way I used to be as well.  But now, I know who I am and I cannot go backwards anymore.

I also feel that people should do their jobs without resenting their jobs.  It is not fair to the customer or people that person would be serving.  I don't want to be that bitter, resentful person.  I also don't want to be that tired, numb, passionless person as well.

I hope I come out of this unemployment experience with a new skill or craft.  Something that I can pour my whole heart into.  Wishful thinking?  Perhaps, but we gotta have dreams or we are just dead inside.