I often wonder if I should do things that I do not want to do. For example, take a job I do not want, volunteer at things I really do not want to do. When I was younger, I would do it all because I thought what the heck. Now, I just don't have the patience or energy. When does one push themselves? For example being authentic would sound like " I don't like the gym." Being self disciplined would sound like " I don't like the gym but it is good for me so I will do it anyway." Being inauthentic would be me saying to myself and others "I love the gym."
Sounds confusing and like I am splitting hairs? Not sure myself sometimes but I have realized from therapy that being authentic is GOOD. Being self disciplined is GOOD. Having clarity on what you want is GOOD. Now I just have to pull it all together and make it work for me.
In the end, choices have to be made and looking back on my life, I realized that I made choices that were INauthentic and even though I learned a few things here and there, I think I could've spent my time more wisely. In the end, it is always better to know who you are even though it narrows your choices.
In the past, I was afraid to know who I really was because I was afraid of the real me. What if the real me doesn't want a normal job, to be married and have 2.5 kids, etc. That would break my parents' heart. Guess what, it looks like that is going to happen anyway in a more roundabout painful way. Where I keep trying for normality, lying to myself and others. In the end, I gotta be me and deal with the consequences.
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